Here Comes The Pope

Here comes the Pope! America, get ready to meet the Vicar of Christ on earth! In case you are wondering what is meant by the term Vicar of Christ, it means the Pope is a substitute for Christ; he is taking Christ’s place. And what a substitute he is, too. Much richer, worldlier, friend of the rich and powerful world wide, basically everything Christ wasn’t. The Catholics don’t see it that way, I’m sure. But it is difficult to hide his trappings when he owns his own country, lives in a palace, has servants, chefs, chauffeurs, tailors, treasures untold (paintings, statues, gold, silver - a lot more than thirty pieces, real estate holdings world wide, and let’s not forget his fifteen hundred dollar loafers he was spotted wearing shortly after he assumed the rank of Pope.) Nice life if you can get it but you can’t get it even if you try. That’s because it is the oldest and largest “good old boys club” in the world and it’s all in who you know.

Actually, the Pope is no different than any other religious leader such as Billy Graham, James Dobson, Pat Robertson, any of the wealthy Ecumenical, Fundamentalist heads of their own religions who found out years ago that there is a tremendous amount of money to be made fooling people into believing that the only way to God is through them. They hold the keys of the kingdom! They is ”Da Man”!

Somebody say “Hang on there, Pilgrim; let’s take a look at what’s under that mask of piety and holiness these men all wear.”

Since his holiness, Pope Benedict XVI, is gracious enough to pay us a visit, let’s look at him and his organization, the Catholic Church.

The Catholic Church is one of the largest corporations in the world. It has a presence in every part of the Globe. It has a fortune so vast that no one knows what they are worth except them, and they’re not sure. The corporate headquarters is located in Vatican City, which is actually a small country independent of Italy where it is located. The Pope is the CEO of the company with a gaggle of Cardinals spread around the world who act as Chief Religious Officers and, in the case of the recent priest scandal that should have rocked the church, they become the Karl Roves of their domain and deflect attention from the real problem and blame everything on abortion. (Usually the Church blames all the sin in the world on homosexuality and abortion, but in this case, since many of the priests were sucking on the penises of boy babes, the spin doctors paraded the hapless women who had abortions out as the reason this terrible sin occurred. Quick thinkers, aren’t they? Don’t worry, they’ll do their best to make up for lost time and blame global warming on us gays.)

The corporation is further organized with middle management, the Arch-Bishops and Bishops who head smaller regions called Diocese and who report to the Cardinals. Reporting to the Arch-Bishops and Bishops are the monsignors; many of whom are pastors of parishes, and the priests.

The present CEO of course is Pope, Benny XVI, who has a darkly colorful background. He was a member of Hitler’s youth program and probably goose stepped for Der Fuhrer many times in a show of loyalty and solidarity. Sieg Heil, Holy Father! The Church explained away this embarrassing fact by saying that, being young and afraid, he had to go along with the program. I know that would be true for me as I would have gone along with anything Uncle Adolph dreamt up. But, I guess I feel that a man who replaces Christ on earth would posses a stronger character and deeper convictions. But, what the hell do I know? I’m probably just jealous of his wealth and power and the fact that he’s enjoying heaven here on earth.

He’s often a powerful voice for the poor, speaking of their plight world wide and our responsibility to help them. Of course, that’s all he is is a voice. He hasn’t opened up the coffers very wide except to add money from the sale of the churches in poor neighborhoods because they can no longer turn a profit. I could see closing the big buildings and tearing them down or selling them, but the Church should turn around and provide a smaller, more cost efficient building where services could be provided.

Oh well, I could go on and on about the enormous wealth and privilege enjoyed by the Popes through the ages but what’s the point? No one questions religious authority because, if they do, they are afraid of offending God. Well, I need to tell you that if anyone may be guilty of offending God it just might be the rich and powerful religious leaders who enjoy great wealth and power by scaring the money out of their follower’s wallets and purses.

There is tremendous money and treasure to be had by operating a religion and a religious organization. For instance, that gold that’s on the ceiling of St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome is worth untold millions. It originally belonged to the Inca Indians who were forced to turn it over to the Spanish Conquistadors who in turn gave most of it to the Holy Father at the time. The Indians were then summarily killed off and other Spanish dudes went on to get more gold from the Mayans and the Aztecs. By the way, should you run into Pope Benedict XVI in a Seven Eleven buying cigarettes and a Giant Slurpee, don’t bring this up; he doesn’t like to be embarrassed.

The first person who uttered that timeless truism “there’s no justice in this world” must have been talking about the unlawful, unkind acts perpetrated in the name of religion by all religious leaders through history. Take as an example the many famous and expensive paintings and sculptures that the Catholic Church has hanging in its corporate buildings in Vatican City. Those pieces were stolen from the Jewish families that were rounded up and systematically killed in the Nazi death camps of WWII. It is strongly believed that the Germans gave them to the Catholic Church in exchange for their help in effecting safe passage out of Europe and into South America. The Church denies it but it does lead one to ask “then where did they come from; the Sunday collection plate?” Wherever they got those treasures, they knew they were stolen. Did they return them to their rightful owners? I think you know the answer.

Ah well, bilk me once, shame on you; bilk me twice (and three times and four…) shame on me. Actually, the churches may be helping us get to heaven after all by taking our money and/or treasure. Wasn’t it Christ who said “It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven?” With my anemic finances, I should be able to walk right in, sit right down and baby let my hair hang down!

Shame on me, I’ve been nothing but negative about the Pope and his little church. There is one thing he and I see eye to eye on and that is our dislike of the Iraq war and our opposition to it from the get go. Benedict denounced the invasion and subsequent occupation as being unjust and immoral. He advocates the systematic, timely removal of American forces and the return of Iraq to the Iraqi people. He’s got me on his side there.

To all the Catholics in America, I hope you enjoy and get something out of Pope Benedict’s visit. And to those of you who are critical of the man and his mission, remember this, you made him what he is today. He’s your leader. They’re his rules. You go to hell if you break them. Meanwhile, my money’s on the camel.