Oh Donkey Boy, The Polls The Polls Decrying

Last year about this time, when George Bush was still smarting from the 2006 election results, could anyone have imagined the state of the campaign today, with the Donkeys doing their best to loose the election and John McCain the only Elephant left standing? Who’d a thunk it?

In July, 2007, when the campaigns began to get their personnel lined up and the candidates were beginning to issue talking points, feeling their way out of the starting gate but not yet beginning the running of the race, most of America was chuckling at the Elephants and their unusual array of candidates for the high office of President. Mitt Romney was the most scrutinized because he was a Mormon and the majority of Elephants were Evangelical or Fundamentalist Christians who were firmly in control of the Party and quite unsure of where the Mormons stood in relation to real Christians. Poor Mitt, every time he had to answer a question on policy or procedure, he had to follow it with another question on his Mormon Faith. The Religious Right just could not get comfortable with him. Or any of the other candidates for that matter; McCain and Giuliani were too Left Wing, Thompson tripped and fell coming out of the gate, Ron Paul wasn’t an Elephant, really, but a Libertarian and that sounded too Liberal. The leaders of the Religious Right did not even get behind two of their own, Brownback and Huckabee because Huckabee raised taxes while he was Governor of Arkansas and Brownback just couldn’t persuade anyone that he was both a Religious Right Roadie and a true Elephant; campaigning for smaller government and lower taxes. Everyone, except John McCain and his mother, had written him off and buried him in his “Straight Talk Express” bus tour that looked like a leftover from the television show “Sunday Morning” with Charles Kuralt. (Sorry Charles)

But, the Elephant left standing when the Pride finished the stampede was of course, John McCain, the tried and true prisoner of war and Senator from Arizona – the least liked candidate by the Religious Right selection committee. I watch the entire proceedings, Mr. McCain, and those other guys never had a chance. There was not a single backbone or bit of courage displayed within that group. You da man, John!

But regardless who the Elephants chose to lead the parade, it was a known fact that the Donkeys were going to walk away the big winners in November, 2008. Well, in another time, maybe, and with decent leadership of the Party, that statement would most likely be true. However, the pollsters and pundits forgot the Dean, Pelosi, Reed factor of dumbass to the third power and the lack of leadership they displayed.

I can only assume that Howard Dean was chosen to head the DNC because why? I guess Time will tell because I sure can’t. At least we cannot blame Mr. Dean for the Super Delegates or the partitioning of the votes cast in the state primary, that was all concocted by former lead Donkeys prior to Howard’s reign of terror.

When the 2006 election turned out to be a set back for the Elephants, the Donkey Majority elected their Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, and their Majority Leader in the Senate, Harry Reed. Can you say “What the f*ck, over!” If one ever wondered why the Democrats were represented by a Jackass, look no farther than these three. Dumb, dumber and dumbest. That is translated to be Reed, Dean and Pelosi.

Reed gets the dumb title because he’s the least offensive of the bunch. He is so quiet and so like what Mister Milquetoast is most thought to be that he is ineffective in any attempt to bring fear and loathing to the Oval Office. Bush knows he just has to keep his pepper spray handy and use it to control this old dog. Someone gave Mr. Reed a sign to hang in his office that read “There They Go, I Must Hasten After Them for I Am Their Leader!” He polishes it every day.

Dumber goes to Howard Dean and his second chance to be the leader of the Donkey Party. He blew his first chance with his energetic and somewhat comical show of enthusiasm when, during the 2000 Primaries, he did his version of a Daffy Duck followed by a smooth Karate move that my seven year old grand nephew does a better job of. He didn't notice the hundreds of reporters and camera men watching the proceedings. A disheveled Mr. Dean with wild eyes and a coprophagous grin plastered on his face looking all the world like a demented transgender coryphée whose partner had just abandoned him moments before the pas de deux, was glaring out from the front page of most of America’s morning newspapers the next day. But everyone deserves a second chance, Howie; it’s just a shame the Donkey’s gave you yours.

Then there’s the pièce de résistance of dumbass served cold, Nancy Pelosi. Ms Pelosi announced immediately upon her election to Speaker of the House that “Impeachment is off the table!” She subsequently interfered with several of the Representatives when they attempted to begin Impeachment proceedings against Mr. Bush, even ridiculing their attempts and disgracing them before their peers and the public. Thereby giving Mr. Bush general absolution for all of his sins against the Constitution and the American military, and a green light to continue his destroying some major portions of that document and his crimes against humanity! That was the most asinine display of leadership and understanding of her position that I hope has ever and will ever come from a Speaker of the House. You are supposed to stop the bad man, Ms Pelosi, not encourage him to do more and bigger crimes against humanity and our democracy – what’s left of it.

It makes one suspicious that there’s more going on here than meets the eye. You know, like Clinton and Lewinski? Just performing mind exercises trying to come up with an explanation for why you have been so easy to forgive a man who the majority of the citizens who voted for you expected you to investigate and perhaps impeach, bring to trial and even convict for placing our military needlessly in harm’s way in Iraq and for the resulting varied and numerous crimes against humanity. So far, you have been on the wrong side in this issue. Wrong side, hell, you are downright protective of the man. What’s going on, Nancy? Remember, confession is good for the soul, so if you haven’t lost yours yet, try it, you may like it.

But hell, who doesn’t love a circus and all the action and excitement that go with it? Bring on the Elephants and the donkeys! And the clowns, let’s not forget the clowns! Bush, Kennedy, Reed, Pelosi, Dean, Cheney (actually more a knife thrower than a clown), Rove, Gonzalez; wait, let’s not waist time – the White House and Congress, that will take care of the clowns.

So, get ready for four, maybe eight more years of Elephants tracking up the oval office and the Rotunda because once the Donkeys unleash the Super Delegates at their show in August, it will take at least eight years to quell the riots in the streets of America and restore law and order after Obama is dumped and Billary gets the nod. God may not bless America but He certainly will keep watching. Who can turn their eyes away from a train wreck of this magnitude?

By the way, I’m still waiting to hear from someone who knows all the verses to Kumbaya and who can lead us in song. We need it, and soon.

And The Winner Is? Beetle Bomb!

Don’t ya know the Republicans are enjoying the escalation of accusations with racial overtones between Clinton and Obama. And now Edwards weighed in on the fray, siding with Obama (John, I keep telling you Oprah has the vice presidential nod all sewn up) and calling the Clintons both racists. Things are going to get right nasty here soon. This is way too early for this level of name calling and accusations, but then this whole election process is about six months ahead of schedule as is. That leaves only Dennis Kucinich not participating in the name calling melee, who is still in the race and is counting on Nevada as his first win. Why Nevada, you ask? Because there is plenty of open space for the Mother ship to land and give him the answers to all the tough questions. Duh!

I heard that because of the level of contempt shown by the three leading Democratic candidates, security guards at the Democratic National Convention will be checking everyone for guns when the delegates file in. If a delegate doesn’t have a gun, the security guard will give him/her one. Should be a pretty good convention shaping up there. It’s no wonder their party is represented by a jackass. I am going out on a limb here, but I think the three idiots are going to kill each other or at least each other’s chance to get elected, and there will be a Republican president for the next four years. The way things are going with the Party, there may not be a Democrat in the White House during my lifetime (thank you gutless Nancy Pelosi and clueless Harry Reed).

The Republicans are making pretty good fools of themselves, too. There’s Mike Huckabee campaigning with Chuck “Texas Ranger” Norris at his side (man on the radio said the slogan for this campaign is “come for the Chuck; stay for the Huck!”). Now that’s clever. Get a movie actor to stand with and endorse you. I’m surprised no one else thought of that! Reverend Huckabee, sir, just so you know, most candidates get someone other than a “B” actor to pitch the crap for them. The people Chuck pulls in are mostly too young to vote.

Mitt Romney’s painstakingly trying to convince other right wing religious nut cases that he’s every bit as crazy as they are. What was he thinking when he was Governor of Michigan being pro choice on the abortion issue and weak on same sex marriage? He went right to the Book of Morons, er Mormons, and found all the right passages that condemned the two transgressions and now he’s on board and ready to smite the evil doers when elected in November. He’s definitely a changed (and changed again) man! What have you been smoking back there in the Tabernacle, Mitt?

Ahh, then there’s John McCain! “Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran is going strong stating unequivocally that attacking Iraq was the right thing to do (John I hate to tell you but most people are against it) and that he would of done the same thing as the honorable George W. Bush. Hell, if George hadn’t attacked Iraq, McCain would have done it soon after he was elected because it was the morally right thing to do (and a good deal of manly fun!). I'm afraid you lost more than the 2000 election, John; you left your integrity and self respect behind, too! Rather than back the Iraq war to make points with the GOP right wingers, you should have stood with your friend Chuck Hagel and condemned the war for what it was when you learned of the lies and deceptions that were used to justify it.

We could elect Rudy Giuliani. He’s definitely the one in the race who hasn’t proclaimed his moral superiority like the other candidates. I like a man who’s moral superiority doesn’t get in his way. He is pro choice and soft on condemning homosexuality. Although, to somewhat appease the Religious Right puppeteers of the Republican Party (a.k.a. the American Taliban), Rudy did declare that he did not consider it sinful to be a homosexual but practicing homosexuality was an abomination! (Notice posted on school bulletin board: Band practice in gymnasium at 4:30. Homosexual practice in priest house at 6:30 – bring toothbrush and your own holy water). He must be taking lessons from Romney on how to keep his feet firmly planted on both sides of the fence.

Let me just mention two more losers in the campaign. Fred (what’s all this talk about erections!) Thompson who is running on the strength of his record as the N.Y. District Attorney. Fred, maybe you can get with Chuck Norris after Huckabee withdraws from the race and the two of you could revive Vaudeville. And last but how could he be considered least within such a field of competitors, is Ron Paul. He could never get elected – he has two first names. The idiots in Florida, Ohio and most of the other Red states, would be looking for a last name and, not finding one, would vote for Hillary because she’s the only other candidate on the ballot. Now, he might carry California and New York because they would think they were voting for RuPaul who may only have a last name (I'm not sure).

Oh well, every election year I think it can’t get much worse and it does! I honestly think Hillary Clinton or Barrack Obama would be a good president but they’ll kill each other trying for the nomination and that leaves nothing but losers. Well, that’s not exactly fair. I think Rudy Giuliani would also make a good president if he could stop being too concerned with pleasing old white men in the Religious Right and not sacrifice his integrity, self respect and ability to make his own decisions.

As I asked once before, does anyone know all the verses to Kumbayah? If so, could you lead us in song? Good luck to us all, my fellow Americans.